That Insanity is a Berserker

Will: Another normal day at the office... *Sigh*

*Meanwhile, down the next street.*

Dupe box: Don't stop me now, I'm having such a good time...
S.: *Fighting off zombie hoard with a cricket bat*

*Back at Will's office*

Will: I have the strangest feeling that what I just said is about to become hilariously funny... But I have a more urgent feeling that I require use of the nearest W.C. And that now I'm heading into aforementioned W.C. that when I lock my self in the cubical, and after I have relieved my bladder, I will come under attack for a zombified ex-co-worker.

*Five minutes later*

Will: As ever, I was right. BURN UNDEAD SCUM!!!
Zombie: I only wanted to eat your brains...
Will: But I LIKE my brains...
Zombie: So it looks like peace is impossible...
Will: *Sigh* I guess. But at least let me wash my hands before trying to kill me! Gods!
Zombie: Oh yeah, sorry! Forgot that people who are still alive do that... I tried a bit back, but it burnt like HELL.
Will: *Washing hands* Maybe we can cure you...
Zombie: Maybe I can sneak up behind you and eat your brains!
Will: *Glancing over shoulder* Unlikely, if you plan on announcing it!
Zombie: Yeah, was pretty stupid of me, huh?
Will: *Drying hands* I guess. Actually, you won't survive me in a fight. You should pick on someone of your own power. While I deal with that Lambent Berserker over there...
Zombie: WHILE YOU DEAL WITH WHAT? I AM OUT OF HERE!!! *Runs off*
Will: Time to deal with that 'Zerker! Right, weapon change interface... Select Weapon; Close Quarters. Select size; Large. Select Damage; Massive. Select Attributes; Reference, Improbable Weapon.
Interface: Did you want- Golf Club? Clockwork Key-Blade Arm?
Will: NO!!! I wanted... *Root around in bag* THIS! *Draws weapon*
Overlord: It's...
Kate: It's HIS!
Kate and Overlord: IT'S AN EB-0; 1961 MODEL!
Will: I know! Calm down!!!! CALM BLOODY DOWN!!!
Oh wait, they weren't talking about me...
Crap.

*Get charged at by Canti*

Will: Only one thing to do... FIGHT FIRE WITH FIRE!!!! ENDING IS NEAR!!!! *Charges Canti*

-Guitar duel!!!--
...hammerB hammerB hammerB hammerB hammerB hammerB hammerB hammerB hammerB hammerB hammerB hammerB hammerB hammerB hammerB hammerB hammerB hammerB hammerB hammerB hammerB hammerB hammerB hammerB hammerB...
-Canti Won!!!--

Will: Well, it looks like this is goodbye gu-*Gets smashed into orbit*-uuuyyyyyyssssssss......

*Some time latter*

Will: Where am I? How am I still alive?
Rx-295: That is SO Clichéd!
Will: But I was going to lead it up into a Dark Cloud reference!
Rx-295: Points for obscurity! ...But do you even remember Dark Cloud properly?
Will: I...
¬_¬
...Shut up.
Rx-295: Now if you have nothing better to do than argue stupidly with me, I ask you leave.
Will: Leave? YOU NEVER TOLD ME WHERE I AM!!!
Rx-295: On board my vessel. In orbit of Earth. We picked you up as you left the Earth's atmosphere. Now get out, and fall back to Earth. I have to fire blunt objects at impossible speeds and yell stuff such as "We got that one from the Exile!" Bye!
Will:You can NOT be serious...
Automated Announcement: Airlock decompressing in 5 seconds.

Will: Ah, I see you were serious. Goodbye y-

*Several Minutes later*

Will: Even if you ARE immune to fire, reentry hurts. Not as much as the ground does though!
Random Space Rabbit: Not as much as having your eyes gouged out by a godly race...
Will: Ah ascension, I remember it well...

- *Flashback* --
Random Announcer: Stalker Ascension victory in 979 we-
Will: You DO know we've already ascended...
Talshar: ...Actually...
Will: NO, WAIT TALSHAR, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT ASCENSION CRYSTAL!?!?!?!?
- *Flashback* --

Will: ...And that was when the random explosion happened.
Zombie: CAN WE GET BACK TO THE POINT?
Will: Of course my dear Mentalgan...
Zombie: Ugg... I can't stand the cheap references any longer... I think I'm gonna be sick!
Will: Hmm...
Zombie: Just to keep your creator buttered up, here's a nice quote for your advertisers- "It's like this experience physically assaults you!"
Will: So my bad quotation is painful now, Yahtzee?
Zombie: Yes it... HEY!!!! Don't compare me to HIM!!! You're putting me through all these traumatic experiences!!!
Will: That's nothing! I fought A Three-Headed Pyrohydra! Ended up Killing one head with poison, one head with Dragonforce, and the final head by absolving it's sins - God have mercy on man and machine - with a winged cross large enough to be seen from space. Then I went on to fight a massively powerful evil dude. Me and my mates fought long and hard with him. But he was aeons old, and we faltered half way through. In the end, the future refused to change... Stupid Lavos. Stupid allies that are actually Cat-Girl-Angel-Alien-Mage-Things!!! NATZ!!!!
Zombie: That sounds like a bad time... Ugg... But not as bad a time as having to put up with you... Only PAN could be worse than this!!!
Will: Pan ay?

- *Flashback* --
Helen: Off with his-
Fruger: -WOOF!!!
- *Flashback* --

Will: And that's why Pan is now the LEAST of our worries.
Zombie: *Barfing in bucket* I take it back, Pan can no-longer be worse than this... But you HAVE to stop the flash-backs! They are so nauseating! They're making me physically sick!
Will: I guess I'll stop... Wait, what's that?
S.: BERSERKER!!!
Zombie: That 'Zerker again! Was THAT why you fell from the sky?
Will: No, but that doesn't matter because a giant robot thing is about to stand on you. Advice: RUN!
Zombie: Advice taken. *Runs like hell away from Will*
Will: Now to deal with that Godzilla imitator...
Tim: That's like calling it Gundam when it's basically Giant Robot Anime... With TARDISes... And Fire weild-
Will: That doesn't matter!!! Outta the way!!! I've got lives to be savin'!!!
Tim: Oh hey Will! You here to help too?
Will: You damn well bet I am! How about it?
Tim: Sure, anytime!
Will: Right then... I'll create the avatar...
Tim: Fine, then I'll play on guitar!
Will: Hold on to your hats...
Tim: This is going to get...
Will and Tim:  Pretty damn *Put on sunglasses* ...BEASTLY!
Will: JUST WHO THE HELL-
Tim: -DO YOU THINK WE ARE?!?!?

*Ten minutes later*

Tim: And we could beat you again, me with a bolt-action sniper rifle, Will with a bolt-pistol and Chainsword, and  neither of us using any wielding whatsoever!
Will: Well, at least I was right to compare it to Godzilla.
Tim: Yep, that was comparable to a display from The King of Collateral Damage.
Will: But why is it always Tokyo?
Tim: Why do Daleks always invade London?
Will: That's a point...
Tim: On the subject of Daleks, we should get to London before it gets invaded by Daleks due to our mentioning them...
Will: Ah, yes... Wait, when I met that Zombie, I was... IN AMERICA!!! But just down the road from London... And then the Zombie got to Tokyo in less than 15 minutes... WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?
Tim: No idea. Don't question the madness wavelength.
Will: I guess I won't, and blame it on rifts.
Tim: Speaking of which...

*One conveniently placed rift later*

Tim: And here's London!
Will: And here's the Daleks!
Dalek: EX-TER-MIN-ATE!!!
Tim: Quickly, call in something STRONGER than a Dalek!
Will: But the last time I did that...

- *Flashback* --
Will: You want bullet hell? We'll GIVE you bullet hell. Brothers!  FEUER FREI!!!
*Cue some army getting gunned down by 20 tactical space marines and Will*
Will: Good work Brothers! Glory to the Emperor!

*Fifty Minutes later*

Will: FILTHY XENOS!!! *Burns the whole universe to dust*
- *Flashback* --

Will: And THAT'S why you don't let me within a fifty mile radius of ANYTHING 40K related.
Tim: So we're basically screwed, either way.
Will: I guess so.
Tim: Ah, who am I kidding? CANTI!!!
Will: Good call.

*Several Daleks bludgeoned to death by a Guitar later*

Tim: Hmm...
Will: Going quite well really. Wait no! *Gets smashed by Canti into orbit. Again.*

*Meanwhile, inside the TARDIS*

The (10th) Doctor: *Staring at the hole in the control room of the TARDIS' wall* What? What? What?
Will: Oww... How did I end up in there? This thing is inter-dimensional isn't it?
The Doctor: Well... Yes, it is really.
Will: Could you drop me out of here back to London? I presume you have some nifty device to repair the damage?
The Doctor: I do... *Repairs TARDIS with nifty device* but how did you know about this? How did you get in?
Will: I could tell you but... Spoilers.

*Soon back on Earth*

Will: Thanks for the lift!
*TARDIS dematerialises*
Will: Oi, Tim?
Tim: What? Been talking to that Zombie friend of yours, on the subject of gaming.
Will: What?
Zombie: Yeah. Isn't the 360 the best current-gen console?
Will: WHAT!?!? No WAY.
Zombie: Best games library...
Will: It does have supreme commander... BUT IT CAN'T EVEN RUN IT PROPERLY!!! I have a PC rig, set up for RTSes...

- *Flashback* --
Will: Come on boys... You can do better than that!
Timeless: I can indeed... ZERG RUSH!!!
Will: So that's the way you want to play, huh? Brackman? Dostya? Could you provide some... Support, if you please?
Dostya: Roger that, Commander.
Timeless: SON OF A BI-
- *Flashback* --

Will: And THAT'S why no-one plays cross-over RTS games with me!
Zombie: ...Anyway, the 360 has the most advanced technology! Just look at the Kinect!!!
Will: The Kinect? THE KINECT!?!?!?!? Listen mate, that was invented for one reason, and one reason only...
Tim: FOOLY COOLY!!!
Will: That too, I guess, even if it wasn't what I was going to say...
Zombie: What WERE you going to say?
Will: Well, what S just said was SO true, that I can't remember my original point...
Zombie: Figures.
Tim: Am I the only one that can see that black hole?
Zombie: The thing about black holes, see, is that they-
Will: No time for that!!! I must challenge the being exiting that WORM hole. If it were a black hole, we would all already be dead.
Tim: Fair point...
Will: Ah, it's starting to exit! *At wormhole* Fight me... And face my... Eternal... DIVINE MADNESS!!!
Unknown Being: Y0uR deV1n3 M4ne5S?
Will: Welcome down to my Brave New World!!! We have fire and death in stock!
Unknown Being: y0U \/\/0uLD F1gHt m3?
Will: Yes, in a second. Let me get my weapon...
Unknown Being: 0f C0Ur53.
Will: *Draws Thompson Sub-Machine-Gun* Ah, my namesake! How I adore you! *Hugs Tommy Gun* The Chicago Typewriter!
Zombie: Wait, what?
Will: *Cocks Tommy Gun* Well, it deals with accounting, and keeps certain people in business, if you see what I mean...
Unknown Being: 1T R3aLly D05e...
Will: We shall begin... So, Tim? What's the reading?
Tim: *Pulls visor off head, and throws it in the air, then shots it three times with a revolver, which he then breaks and re-loads.* What? Anything else I could have said would have been too Clichéd!
Will: Ah... So we have a problem?
Tim: Of the largest magnitude.
Unknown Being: That you DO have!!! Ahahaha!!!
Will: So you CAN talk straight?
Unknown Being: Yep. That portal scrambles you thoughts a bit...
Will: I get that sort of thing all the time.
Unknown Being: We gonna fight or what?
Will: Fine.
Unknown Being: *Charges Will*
Will: Now Ragnarök!!!
Ragnarök: Swords rain from the heavens...
Unknown Being: *Dodges*
Will: If that's the way you want to play it...

*One overly long battle later*

Unknown Being: *Looking Bored* Ha, you are too easy!
Will: *Panting* I've had enough of this, Tim?
Tim: Yeah, what?
Will: Gimme fuel, gimme fire, gimme that which I desire!!! BENZENE!!!
Tim: Would, but I drunk all that stuff... And anything like it.
Will: Can I get backup then?
Cephelon: You must construct additional pylons...
Will: F*** OFF!!!! THIS IS WHY I GO CYBRAN!!! MONKEYLORDS!!!
Tim: Oh dear...

*One Moneklord-filled rampage later*

Will: Are you still alive?
Unknown being: Yep! But I think I'll leave for a while. You lot are too weak to be fun to fight.
Will: ...So, you're like a Khornate Demon?
Unknown Being: A AM a Khornate Demon! Anyway, must dash! *Leaves through portal*
Will: *As Demon leaves* YOUR TIME WILL COME!!!
Jess: AND NOTHING ELSE MATTERS!!!
Will: Did I ever mention that my sister is a perverted b**** that attempts incest at every available opportunity? Well my sister is a perverted b**** that attempts incest at every available opportunity.
Jess: Your soul will burn in hell for that one.
Will: If I wasn't already going to hell, I'm not entirely sure this would push me over... And it's not like I can be burnt anyway... And don't you mean that my soul will burn in a lake of fire?
Jess: ¬_¬ Shut up.
Kate: Jess isn't that bad...
Cephelon: She really isn't...
Will: Yes, well when Jess is hanged, Kate will be the most perverted being in the whole universe...
Pan: What about ME? Oorah!
Kate: What are you? Stupid?
Fruger: (Directed at Pan) That isn't worthy of an 'oorah', and no-where NEAR worthy of a 'woof'. The only thing worthy of a 'woof' in this whole room is me and my massive ego. And all the girls know just how massive my 'Ego' is! WOOF!!!
*ALL of the females in ear-shot look starily-eyed at Fruger. As does a suspicious looking guy.*
Ace: What? How did that almighty fop get in here? *Backstabs suspicious looking guy*
Will: What? How did that almighty fop get in here? *Backstabs Ace*
Will: Now that that's over, I really must be getting on... Seeya guys!